I Just Want To Be Normal

I just want to be normal…

 

It has been almost seven years now since my then little five-year-old was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Now almost twelve, he has made me so proud over the years of how he copes with it all.

 

With the constant finger prick blood tests, the yearly blood tests that he hates with a passion, the multiple injections every single day, the hypos where he has to sit still and miss out on whatever his friends are up to, the hypos where he feels so out of it and his vision is affected badly, that he is so scared.

 

That’s not even all that he copes with, through all of this he just gets on with it. He always has, he’s made it so much easier for me over the years. It was only the first few times of having injections that he tried to refuse and had to be pinned down by myself and a nurse… that was as horrific as it sounds.

 

He does have moments though, moments when he’s angry at the unfairness of it all, moments when he feels like he can’t take any more, moments when he utters the words that break my heart ‘I don’t want diabetes….. I just want to be normal’.

 

Hearing the words and knowing that I can’t do anything to make this better breaks me. When they’re small and fall over they come to you, knowing that you’ll make them feel better, that you’ll have the tools to ‘fix’ them.

 

When it comes to Type 1 Diabetes, I am severely lacking in tools….. I can’t fix this, I can’t make it okay…. I can’t make this all go away for him.

 

What I can do and do though is let him know that it is okay to feel like this, that I am angry for him, that I have my sad days too and would take it away if I could.

 

I don’t tell him to just get on with it…. although sadly that is what we must do. I let him have his sad moment, I join him in it and we say a few rude words about what we think of diabetes.

 

I remind him that no matter how bad things seem, there is always someone worse off, that I am always here for him. We’ll continue to fight together to keep him well and put two fingers up to diabetes at every opportunity by not letting it beat us.

 

If you want to help us fight Type 1 Diabetes, then do please consider donating to our Just Giving page, where we are fundraising for Type 1 Diabetes research through JDRF. Even a £1 would help make a difference,

 

Stevie x

 

A Cornish Mum

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26 Comments

  1. 16 May 2016 / 4:18 pm

    It sounds like you are both doing amazingly well coping with this. like you say, there is no “fix” as such. it’s all about finding your new “normal”. xx

  2. Alica
    16 May 2016 / 4:39 pm

    My hubby is a type 1 diabetic and has been since he was 12 (now 36). He was given an insulin pump 5 years ago and this transformed his life! No more daily multiple injections, just change the giving set every 3 days, it has helped him grab much more control over his blood sugars and he finds it so much ‘easier’ than on pens. Have you/your son considered a pump? I know the postcode lottery is a minefield for getting one but if he does get the chance, he may love it as much as my husband :) I wish you both well, I know it is a struggle to live with but it sounds like you are both doing brilliantly! xx

    • 16 May 2016 / 6:00 pm

      Thanks Alica, my son was actually offered a pump, but he is at the age where he hates to look different than everyone else and he doesn’t like the idea of it at all…. maybe in future he’ll change his mind, but they can be a challenge whilst they are still growing as well.

      Stevie x

  3. 16 May 2016 / 9:11 pm

    He sounds like an utter dude with an awesome Mommy. Together I think you’ve got it Sussed – and I hope you’ve made up some corking rude words about diabetes in the process!! Much love xx

    • 16 May 2016 / 9:17 pm

      Thanks gorgeous, he’s mostly learnt all the rude words he knows from me when I’m driving ;)

      Stevie xx

  4. 17 May 2016 / 12:29 am

    It’s so hard I know. I have a good friend that vlogs from America (dreamflight6000) who has a young boy with type 1. It may be worth watching some of her videos for advice and just general ‘it’s ok, this is the norm’ backup?

    • 17 May 2016 / 9:19 am

      We’ve been dealing with it for almost 7 years Rachel, this is as ‘normal’ as it is ever going to get and he knows that, it just doesn’t make it any fairer. We cope, we carry on and we fight same as always, but he will always be allowed these sad moments and I’ll always be right there with him turning the air blue about what we think of Type 1.

      Stevie x

  5. Connie Stuart
    17 May 2016 / 2:42 am

    Everything I read in your article, I have had the same experiences. I was diagnosed in 1956 when I had just started first grade. I was so sick having had strep throat, pneumonia, and measles. I was not healing and suddenly when I went into ketoacidosis, the dr. recognized the problem. I remember coming out of the coma and seeing my mother crying. I thought I was soon to die. My doctor told both of us that if I had special care, I would probably live to graduate high school. I did that and received two college degrees, worked as a medical technologist until I retired, and am now enjoying my retirement. I went on the pump when it first came out, but had to discontinue after I had a stroke. All I can advise is to keep on keeping on.

  6. 18 May 2016 / 10:44 pm

    Bless him. It cannot be easy – for any of you. Your family have so much to deal with and he is just so strong, as are you. I think you deal with these moments in the right way and it’s something that can translate to many other aspects of life. Saving you a hug for Britmums! x

    • 19 May 2016 / 9:18 am

      As you know from our chats, we definitely have our good days and our bad ones. Luckily mostly good, and he makes me so proud with everything he copes with on a daily basis.

      Stevie xx

      P.S I am so looking forward to finally meeting you at Britmums :)

  7. 19 May 2016 / 8:18 am

    I can’t even begin to imagine what you both go through every day with this. There will always be people inside your phone / laptop to support you when you need a grumpy rant ;)
    Nat.x

    • 19 May 2016 / 9:18 am

      Ha thanks Nat, for the comment and mostly for putting up with the grumpy rants ha!! ;)

      Stevie xx

  8. 20 May 2016 / 7:16 am

    There’s always going to be tough days for you both, but it sounds like you have it spot on about how to deal with it. Can’t be easy though! You’ve got a tough kid.

    Sally @ Life Loving
    #PickNMix

  9. 20 May 2016 / 7:54 am

    You are an awesome mum to take this approach with your son and let him rant when he needs to. I think that’s the perfect approach to life, let it all out and then move on until the next time. I can’t imagine what it must be like for your son and he is one very brave boy. X

  10. Helen
    20 May 2016 / 8:41 am

    It can’t be easy for any of you, but it sounds like you all deal with it so well, especially your son. What a brave young man! #PicknMix

    Helen x

    http://www.treasureeverymoment.co.uk/

  11. 20 May 2016 / 10:03 am

    He sounds like a wee star! I’m sure it does get you both down at times but sounds like you are dealing with it in the best possible way. It must be hard for him to understand why he has it, as a Mum you always want to make things better but just being there with him through it is enough. #picknmix

  12. Mud cakes and wine
    20 May 2016 / 11:06 am

    Our little ones do have a hard time and it’s tough finding the words to help at times. Your both amazing and will get through this #picknmix

  13. 20 May 2016 / 2:46 pm

    You are both doing so well and are so strong to be able to cope with something like that! #picknmix

  14. 20 May 2016 / 8:37 pm

    My husband was diagnosed late with diabetes and it has been life changing. I cannot imagine how tough that must be for your son. When you are young you just want to be like your mates and not be different. Hopefully over time it will get easier for him. #picknmix

  15. 20 May 2016 / 9:58 pm

    My father in law has type 1. I always knew he has diabetes but after reading your blog I thought I’d chat with him about it. It’s not nice seeing him inject himself. And he’s 74. It must be hard for you with your little one knowing there isn’t a lot you can do. But you are there for him that’s the main thing. Xx

  16. 21 May 2016 / 6:58 am

    oh, I can really sympathise with this – your poor little boy. Those words of I just want to be normal break your heart don’t they? I’m sure as he gets older he will be accepting but it is so so hard for a boy of 12 to have to cope with the knowing that he is different from the others. It sounds like you’re managing the situation beautifully and it sounds like your son has come so far in the 5 years. It’s a very different situation but my son has a severe allergy to wheat, dairy and gluten – sick for 48 hours after consumption, swollen stiff joints so severe at times that he can’t walk properly or even hold a pencil or do up buttons – for 48 hours he is laid flat on the sofa – he is also 12 and it upsets him that he can’t eat what the other children eat – is never catered for on school trips – can’t just have a huge ice cream if we are out for dinner etc etc. Not the same as your boy but very much the feeling of not being normal. Wish you all the best and thank you for sharing this post – it’s nice to hear from another mum who is bringing up a 12 year old boy! #picknmix

  17. 21 May 2016 / 2:40 pm

    Poor kid. From what I’ve seen, those pumps are pretty easily concealed by just about any kind of clothing. Maybe as he gets older he’ll feel more comfortable with the idea

  18. 21 May 2016 / 3:36 pm

    I know exactly how you feel. My daughter will be 21 in a couple of weeks. She was diagnosed aged 12. It’s heart-breaking when they say this to you, she has said it often to me. It was only a few days ago that she had a few tears because her sugar levels were all over the place and she didn’t know why. If only I could take it away from her. Often I ask myself why her, someone so young. Give it to me, I’ve lived most of my life and done the things I want to do. They are so incredibly strong and brave and like your son, my daughter hates blood tests and gets herself in such a state over her yearly blood test. She’s actually just had it this week and was texting me from the hospital whilst waiting, trying not to cry, but she did in the end, but the nurses were amazing as she is and your son is too. Hopefully one day they’ll find a cure. xx

    • 21 May 2016 / 4:19 pm

      I so hope so Jan, they cope with so much. Sometimes I think they just need to have those sad days and let it all out, as they spend so much of their time being strong, coping and basically making us proud.

      Stevie xx

  19. 2 June 2016 / 11:07 am

    I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you sometimes. As parents all we want to do is make things better for them, but you need to remember that him having you as a Mummy means that you do make it better for him, he is lucky to have such a wonderful Mum as you xx

  20. 26 July 2016 / 12:40 pm

    This sounds so so familiar. I was diagnosed as type 1 when I was a child and felt exactly them same. I hated being different from everyone else. But remember you are doing a great job x

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