I Pledge To Just Be Me

 

I pledge to just be me …. easiest thing in the world right? I can’t possibly be anyone else, so a bit of a non-issue you would imagine.

 

Me

 

That’s how I wish it had always been for me. During our lives, I suspect we have all been at some point guilty of having those moments of wishing you were someone else, wishing you had what someone else had, were as good at something as someone else or even just looked like someone else.

 

They call it the green eyed monster for a reason, it really is a monster. For some the constant feeling of just not being ‘enough’ is all consuming. Whether that be skinny enough, rich enough, happy enough, pretty enough or any other type of enough.

 

Growing up I felt like I was fatter than my friends, like everyone else had that one best friend and as if in so many ways I just wasn’t good enough. I grew up with not a lot of money at all, at times none at all where we survived off of jacket potatoes and not a lot else, though my Mum always worked a lot so that we could have a roof over our heads.

 

This meant that often by the time I had managed to own that mega-popular item that everyone else in the playground seemed to have, it was often suddenly ‘uncool’ to have it. I often felt like I was constantly different and secretly all I ever wanted was to blend in and just ‘belong’.

 

I was clever according to my teachers, but I was never right at the top of the class, I was hopeless at sports and after being teased about the colour of my face during them so often, I wrote myself notes to skip any time of exercise as often as possible. At times I didn’t eat much at all on purpose as I felt being skinny would make me feel better and make me more sporty.

 

Admittedly my grasp of basic biology and the importance of muscle and a balanced diet was lacking back then. I even at times made myself sick in a desperate quest to fit in, to look like everyone else and to desperately try to be ‘enough’.

 

The sad thing is that I have no idea who I was trying to be so perfect for, as at that point even if I had reached my idea of ‘perfection’, then it wouldn’t have been what I wanted. I would have wanted more, I would have wanted to be like someone even more perfect seeming, would have wanted more of what I perceived others to have.

 

Jealousy can be all encompassing, it can make you forget that perfection doesn’t exist and that regardless of how amazing someone else looks or how great their life seems, the chances are they are feeling the same about someone else. Not knowing what goes on behind closed doors, they could infact have awful things going on in their lives that you don’t know about.

 

You could be wishing to be someone who doesn’t even know if they can come with being themselves at that moment in time. Wanting what others have or to be someone else is a sure-fire way to make yourself miserable and maybe even make your own life worse.

 

There was a turning point for me, which didn’t come until I was 21 years old. This will sound ridiculously cheesy, but I really do not care. For me it was the moment when my first son was born and he opened his eyes and looked at me like I was his world.

 

He didn’t care that I was a bit (very) chubby at that point, that I didn’t have a lot of money or that I couldn’t play the flaming piano or run a marathon. To him, I was his world, his everything and more than enough. Amongst the Tween angst and strops, I still see flashes of that in the eyes of both of my children.

 

When I had both of my boys I realised that regardless of what anyone else did or didn’t have, I had something pretty amazing. Unconditional love can’t be bought, can’t be forced or coerced. Becoming a mother, to me, made me enough, because I would always be enough for them.

 

I won’t say that I haven’t still had moments over the years where I have thought ‘if only’ and felt a small moment of jealousy, but in all the world and everything in it I have what I want. Yes, a bit of extra money would be nice at times, yes having my thighs be slightly less friendly with each other would be a bonus, but essentially I am happy being me. If I wasn’t me then I wouldn’t have my boys – all three of them, even the duvet stealing grown-up one.

 

In life, we all need to take a step back sometimes and appreciate what we do have and not look at what others have. In the blogging world I feel happy for others who get great opportunities and hope that they feel the same when I do. If I don’t get an opportunity and someone else does, then I think to myself that my time will come for something else.

 

Constantly though I do see people who are struggling with the green eyed monster in the blogging world and outside of it. So many people feeling unhappy with their lot in life, not because of their actual lives seemingly …. but because someone else’s seems better or they get amazing opportunities.

 

The thing is though what will be will be. I think there is no point in stressing over the things in life that you can’t change or wishing for things that you can’t have, that way only lies misery. You only get one life, why spend it wishing you were living someone else’s when you could be enjoying your own?

 

Today and for always I pledge to just be me, to be ‘enough’ regardless and to be happy about that. After all, no one can be better at being me than I am, so I’m always on to a winner with that one ;)

 

Stevie x

 




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40 Comments

  1. 24 November 2016 / 1:23 pm

    Fab post acorns. Never stop being you because we all love you just the way you are.
    Nat.x

  2. 24 November 2016 / 2:25 pm

    I love this post. Comparison really is the thief of joy, and the best thing we can do is to be happy with ourselves as we are..but it’s easier said than done isn’t it?

  3. 24 November 2016 / 4:35 pm

    I think often people are so wrapped up in what everyone else has that they completely miss what they have themselves and how well off they actually are – in love, friends and all the other stuff you just can’t put a value on. Great post Acornish x

  4. 25 November 2016 / 7:57 am

    It’s such an amazing discovery when you find you are happy being who you are. I mean we all have moment of wanting to be something else, but that’s when you have to look at what you have and appreciate you and yours.

    Sally @ Life Loving

  5. 25 November 2016 / 8:44 am

    Comparison is such an ugly thing, we all do it but we really shouldn’t. I hated P.E with a passion too ;-)

    Look how successful you are now, your blog is fantastic and, as you say, you really have done something so amazing in having your boys. Being a mum is the best thing ever. Be happy with you :-) x #PicknMix

    • 25 November 2016 / 9:33 am

      Aw thank you lovely and yes having my boys changed me so much as a person and I wouldn’t swap being a Mum for all the money in the world even if I had a time machine!

      Stevie x

  6. 25 November 2016 / 8:56 am

    This is so true – we’re so busy trying to fit in that we don’t know who we really are. Really well written post :) #picknmix

  7. 25 November 2016 / 9:02 am

    Exactly, one life….live it to the fullest you can and smash it!:)

    Mainy x

    #picknmix

  8. 25 November 2016 / 9:15 am

    Beautiful words to live by. We should start every day with your words…We all aim to this state of mind, to be happy with ourselves, our lives, to truly believe we are good enough and not compare with others. But I think that is partly our nature, it’s what’s keeping us go further, try harder, reach higher. And that’s not a bad thing, as long as we remember who we are and never lose the love for ourselves..
    #picknmix

    • 25 November 2016 / 10:19 am

      Yep definitely, there is nothing wrong with ambition so long as it’s for what you want and not just because someone else has it and so long as it is actually achievable

      Stevie :)

  9. 25 November 2016 / 10:05 am

    Amen to that sweetie!
    “Today you are You,
    that is truer than true.
    There is no one alive
    who is Youer than You.”
    xxxxx
    #picknmix

  10. 25 November 2016 / 1:24 pm

    I really love this, and feel like I was supposed to read this today. Thankyou x

    #PicknMix

  11. 25 November 2016 / 2:21 pm

    Such wise, inspiring words! And I think that’s one reason e blog, is it not? So we can be US and tell the world look at me, being me, it’s GOOD! My fav post all week #PicknMix

  12. 25 November 2016 / 4:08 pm

    Lovely post! It is so hard to compare- but essential not to especially in the blogging world.

    #picknmix

  13. 25 November 2016 / 5:26 pm

    I love this Stevie, and I’m so glad that you are you!! I can really relate to this, although for me it spiralled beyond control and I became very mentally unwell and wasted far too many years in and out of hospital, hating who I was, hating the way I looked and feeling as though I would never be good enough. For me, having three children still wasn’t enough to pull me out of those feelings, and PND contributed massively to that, but after I had Megan and she was so poorly it was like a switch just flicked and I knew that I was the only Mummy these children had and I felt a real sense of acceptance. These days I am comfortable in my own skin, I still have bad days, but I have plenty more good days. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, and probably look the roughest I’ve ever looked (sleep deprivation is a bitch!) but I’m also the happiest I’ve ever been and that’s the most important thing isn’t it? Love this post, thank you for sharing. #picknmix

    • 25 November 2016 / 9:52 pm

      Thank you sweetheart. When I read your guest post on someone’s blog the other day I was so surprised that you would have insecurities as I think you’re beautiful, but it just goes to show how hard we can be on ourselves. I am so glad you came out of the other side, having a poorly child really puts things into perspective doesn’t it?! I’m also happier than I’ve ever been, it is definitely a good place to be!

      Stevie xx

  14. 25 November 2016 / 6:24 pm

    This is something which I have always struggled with. At times I’ve felt ashamed to be myself incase people think I’m not good enough. Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing for your self-esteem.
    Like you becoming a mom has helped me in ways I never imagined. I hope one day I can love myself the way my little boy loves me.
    Thanks for sharing Stevie, it helps to know others have fought the same battles #picknmix

    • 25 November 2016 / 9:42 pm

      Not feeling good enough is such an awful feeling, I still have little flashes of it but yep definitely becoming a Mum means I can’t not be grateful to be me xx

  15. 25 November 2016 / 9:48 pm

    This is a lovely post – I have been guilty of wanting to be like others in the past so this rings so true with me! Thanks for posting #PicknMix

  16. 26 November 2016 / 4:36 am

    Being yourself in this world where you are constantly available and exposed to the whiles.of via technology can be so very hard…It is something I am constantly working towards! #PickNMix

  17. 26 November 2016 / 7:49 am

    Hi Stevie, wise words indeed. Those who entertain the green-eyed monster end up not seeing that what they do have. I’ve never seen the point in striving to be like someone else (I’d never keep it up) or having what someone else has (why would I?). To be happy we have to learn to be happy with the here and now, and with who we are. I would hate for my children to think that I could not be happy not owning a big house (like the one next door) or driving a big car (I’d never be able to park). I want them to grow up knowing that it is perfectly okay to be happy doing what makes them happy and not what makes others happy.

    Like you said, we never know what goes on behind closed doors or other people’s stories. Striving to be something we are not is a sure way to becoming unhappy and life is just too short for that.

    xx

  18. 26 November 2016 / 8:13 am

    I found this post in amongst the hype of Christmas lists and Black Friday deals on my Twitter feed and it was like a little beacon of light. So refreshing to read about someone who is happy with what they have and who they are. Really cheered me up – thank you! x

  19. 26 November 2016 / 10:02 pm

    What an interesting read. I went through something similar at school as well. Always the “uncool” one and behind when it came to the latest trends. Especially when it came to the clothes. I used to live in my cousins’ handme downs!

    I can’t help but feel that it’s human nature to want something else or to want to be like someone else at some point. I’ll put my hands up and admit that I also have that green eyed monster who visits every so often. It did today when I was having a rough time of it with two whingey girls. I wished I could be a super mum who could remain calm and collected!

  20. 27 November 2016 / 5:16 pm

    Everyone else is taken anyway. So sparkle your unique light and be true to you. #PicknMix

  21. 27 November 2016 / 5:23 pm

    This is really similar to my school experiences. I’ve never really felt happy with myself and now at 2 stone heavier I just think why on earth was I always do down on myself for being fat?! Now I can’t even fit one leg into my size ten high waitsted skinny jeans and I feel awful! I think it’s from lack of sleep also and having zero energy to actually lose weight and exercise. I guess we’ll all get there eventually :) #picknmix

  22. 28 November 2016 / 12:20 am

    I often get attacks of the green eyed monster especially in terms of my weight and appearence. I too have changed a lot since having children and am far more able to simply enjoy what I do have.

  23. 28 November 2016 / 7:46 pm

    What an absolutely amazing post. I could see parts of myself in your description of your younger self, never really fitting in, always feeling not quite good enough. My husband was my turning point and always gives me a boost when my confidence in myself is flagging, but I agree that becoming a mother made another huge difference. If I achieve nothing else in life, I have created and raised two amazing children, and that’s enough for me x
    #Picknmix

  24. 1 December 2016 / 8:38 pm

    Very well said! You are absolutely perfect! #picknmix

    • 1 December 2016 / 8:57 pm

      Aw thank you sweetheart :) though someone on YouTube thinks I have freaky eyebrows mwah ha ha! x

  25. 2 December 2016 / 1:02 am

    Yes, so true. I agree – though it is always hard at times, I find it much easier not to want to be something different now I have the kids. #PicknMix

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