Imagine if there was a test you had to take every few months that would answer definitively in your own head whether you were a good or a bad parent? Scary thought hey?
We have one of those tests every 3 months without fail and have had for the last eight years. The HbA1c test is a blood test that my eldest has, which tells us and his Diabetes team how good his blood glucose control has been for the last three months.
So in theory it’s just a blood test. A pretty important one though, as how good his blood glucose control is, is highly likely to affect what complications of Type 1 Diabetes he is going to have in the future. I won’t get into the nasty complications, I don’t want that on my space of the internet. That belongs in my nightmares rather than on my blog, which usually (sorry about today) is my happy place.
For years we were told we were doing great, meeting the targets. Then gradually over the years the targets have changed due to more research into the ‘ideal’ levels etc. So then we were just doing okay, just outside the targets. Now the teen years have hit – hormones and Type 1 Diabetes are an ‘interesting’ mix – and it’s all gone a bit awry. We seem to be headed further away from the targets than ever.
Along with contemplating blood glucose level ideals, I have to take into consideration my son actually having a life and being happy. When our control was at its tightest, he was at his most unhappiest and in serious Type 1 burnout … he really had had enough for a while, we both had at that point.
Trying to balance everything, keep my eldest happy plus healthy and work a lot of hours, plus look after everyone else and have a life myself… is no excuse for dropping the ball a bit. That’s how I feel anyway and how I feel sometimes that our team feel.
I don’t blame them, I’m actually feeling really rubbish today as we have clinic tomorrow and I’m dreading seeing in black and white just how crap a Mother I’ve been in recent months. It’s not so much that I’m struggling to juggle all the balls but, more they’re bouncing above my head and smacking me in the face on the way down.
Miserable I know! The thing is the team are there to help us and they do but, that doesn’t stop me from feeling like the HbA1c is the bad Mum test for me. Type 1 Diabetes you’re an arse.