I just want to be normal…
It has been almost seven years now since my then little five-year-old was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Now almost twelve, he has made me so proud over the years of how he copes with it all.
With the constant finger prick blood tests, the yearly blood tests that he hates with a passion, the multiple injections every single day, the hypos where he has to sit still and miss out on whatever his friends are up to, the hypos where he feels so out of it and his vision is affected badly, that he is so scared.
That’s not even all that he copes with, through all of this he just gets on with it. He always has, he’s made it so much easier for me over the years. It was only the first few times of having injections that he tried to refuse and had to be pinned down by myself and a nurse… that was as horrific as it sounds.
He does have moments though, moments when he’s angry at the unfairness of it all, moments when he feels like he can’t take any more, moments when he utters the words that break my heart ‘I don’t want diabetes….. I just want to be normal’.
Hearing the words and knowing that I can’t do anything to make this better breaks me. When they’re small and fall over they come to you, knowing that you’ll make them feel better, that you’ll have the tools to ‘fix’ them.
When it comes to Type 1 Diabetes, I am severely lacking in tools….. I can’t fix this, I can’t make it okay…. I can’t make this all go away for him.
What I can do and do though is let him know that it is okay to feel like this, that I am angry for him, that I have my sad days too and would take it away if I could.
I don’t tell him to just get on with it…. although sadly that is what we must do. I let him have his sad moment, I join him in it and we say a few rude words about what we think of diabetes.
I remind him that no matter how bad things seem, there is always someone worse off, that I am always here for him. We’ll continue to fight together to keep him well and put two fingers up to diabetes at every opportunity by not letting it beat us.
If you want to help us fight Type 1 Diabetes, then do please consider donating to our Just Giving page, where we are fundraising for Type 1 Diabetes research through JDRF. Even a £1 would help make a difference,