Letting Go Just a Little Bit

 

My eldest was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes 8 years, 1 month and 28 days ago and in that time I have only been more than 2 hours away from him once.

 

Letting go just a little bit

 

Previously the idea of not being able to get home really quickly if something happened… pretty much freaked me out. Of course I felt the same way about his younger brother, but with Type 1 Diabetes the chances of their being an emergency or health related incident is so much higher.

 

On Saturday I am heading up to Manchester to go to a party for and then attend the BlogOn conference on Sunday. I won’t lie. Amongst all of the excitement of going to BlogOn and catching up with my blogger friends, I have a slightly sick feeling in my stomach.

 

In my head I know that Si will be here with the boys and he is so so capable, but at the same time it is so hard to let go. All of the worst case scenarios are running through my head.

 

Now that the boys are 11 and 13, I’m going to be having to do a little bit of letting go more and more. They’re growing up so fast and they can’t have their Mum standing over them trying to ward off any ‘bad’ things forever. Si has been known to tell me that I need to let them grow up and stop fighting their battles for them. I know he’s right… just don’t tell him as he’s insufferable when he gets confirmation of it.

 

They are going to make their own mistakes, no doubt they’ll push the boundaries wherever we set them as they grow and I need to learn to be more relaxed about the whole idea of both of them, especially my eldest doing more without me.

 

Eight years ago Type 1 Diabetes changed not only my son’s life, but all of ours in many ways. We’re at a point now in our lives where over the years we have gradually stopped Type 1 from affecting the way that we live our lives. In every other way we’ve relaxed about it, Saturday feels like another big step towards that.

 

I’ve worked so hard to make sure that my children’s lives are affected as minutely as possible by Type 1, but for years I put my own life and my own wants on hold for it without even realising. From not chasing the career I wanted for a long time through fear of not being available to be there for my eldest when he’s ill and when he was in hospital.

 

To turning down chances to do anything that involved being hours away if he couldn’t come too. Don’t get me wrong, I am actually in a much happier place than I was 8 years ago, I don’t resent anything other than the fact that my eldest has so much to put up with. I’ve just reached a point.. where maybe it feels right to think of me and do things that I want to do.

 

Starting to write on here, was a step to getting a bit of me back and I have some exciting plans going on at the moment that are another big step forward with that. The biggest step for me at the moment though… is getting on that train on Saturday morning and letting go just a little bit more.

 

If I wimp out and stay in Cornwall feel free to all tell me off!

 

Stevie x

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9 Comments

  1. msedollyp
    21 September 2017 / 1:26 pm

    Let go a little bit, get a little bit of you back. Breathe.

  2. simon
    21 September 2017 / 7:05 pm

    yeah that’s right, just leave us to fend for ourselves xx :)

  3. 26 September 2017 / 9:39 pm

    “The hardest part is when they grow up” That’s a certainty. I have a 12 yo daughter going on 13 and I struggle like crazy to let her go, even a tiny bit! She had heart surgery 4 years ago and was cured of her condition, she is well now but that aside I know how hard it is for us parents when they ask to hang out in ‘town’ with their friends, I haven’t let her as yet as I really feel she’s too young and 12 is such a vulnerable age. It frightens me witless to let her go off on her own. I know I should loosen the apron strings and I will in time. Just wish I could reverse back to when she was little again. As you say they grow up so fast!

    Samantha x

    • 26 September 2017 / 10:50 pm

      It really is so hard, especially when they have or have had health issues as it’s hard not to be overprotective. For me it’s a teeny bit easier letting them go and do more with their friends because where we live is a pretty safe area in Cornwall and they always have lots of friends with them. It really was so much easier when they were teeny though I agree!

      Stevie x

  4. 28 September 2017 / 8:33 pm

    Hope they coped ok and you were able to relax.

  5. 10 October 2017 / 3:28 pm

    Gosh Stevie I could have written this myself. I was at such a high point in my career when my daughter was diagnosed, and it’s taken me three years to come out of the diabetes bubble. I’ve started attending all the events I used to go to again, and I’m finding that everything has moved on, and I don’t recognise people any more. Diabetes was such a kick in the teeth, and it took me off the market for a very long time. To start with I was just exhausted all the time trying to get my head round it, and deal with its vagaries. And then I was scared to be too far away.
    I’m still nervous, but I’ve started going back out there, and will be away from her for 4 days very soon, out of the country, which feels very scary. But the time is probably right, and I deserve my own time too. So hard as a parent when you have to put things on hold for your kids. So happy you’re doing so well xx

    • 10 October 2017 / 10:01 pm

      Thank you Helen that means a lot x I think it helps a lot as they get older and are so much more capable of doing everything themselves. Fin is amazing really and Si is also so good with him, but I doubt I will ever 100% not worry about him no matter what age he is. It definitely makes it harder to let go, but it really is so important for them to have their freedom too I think :)

      I am so pleased you’re getting to do something for you again and it was lovely to finally meet you even if it was quiet briefly xx

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