I’m a Loser …. don’t worry this isn’t some long list of things I hate about myself, I mean that’s old news teen me had reams of pages of that, twenties me let someone else do all the writing for that one and luckily thirties me is vaguely more sane, and a whole lot happier. No I’m talking about the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging awards.
I was a finalist in the fresh voice category and all day I was meeting people who said there is no way you aren’t winning. Guess what lying beggars the lot of them ;) I didn’t think I would definitely win (I seriously lack the ego for that luckily), but with a one in five chance and some lovely bloggers boosting my confidence I was hopeful.
Hope is an amazing thing – as in amazingly mean at times. I was sat one leg poised to the side of my chair just in case and hands shaking thinking of my possible speech. Drum rolls…… oh yeah you didn’t win.
I’m sure many would write this post and say “oh it’s fine I knew I wouldn’t win, I’m fine with it and just happy for the winner”, but I don’t do bull…. well not often anyway ;) . I wanted to win, I thought I had a good chance and I didn’t, so yes of course I’m disappointed, yes I actually had a moment where I thought I would shame myself by crying, and no I’m not just happy for the winner… come on NO ONE ever really means that.
By the way the winner was Island Living 365 and as much as I want to say I was robbed and hiss sideways at her (not really she seems nice ha but you get the point) she writes beautifully, and from her speech on stage showed her humility and honesty. Damn her, seriously let me hate you, it would have been a lot easier ;)
I downed my glass of wine instead of heckling, I smiled and clapped – held it together with just a quick sideways whisper to Mr Kitney “I actually feel a bit like crying arghhh” carried on smiling and thought I’m a loser.
Not as in oh no my life is over as I didn’t win a bit of glass that would’ve ended being covered in dust anyway …. I just thought of when I was a teen and feeling like a loser, and that actually officially now I was a loser in an actual real sense. Loser, when it comes to weight I’m happy with, anything else in life, no thank you I like winning.
I then after a brief rant to Lisa of Mrs Savageangel and Laura of Dear Bear and Beany on the way to the tube – who didn’t realise I was capable of swearing as I never do it online – realised I am far from a loser. I hate sounding big-headed so please don’t read this next bit…. I realised that out of thousands of blogs and bloggers, I was a finalist in a pretty huge blog awards. Not everyone can say that. I have worked ruddy (see not swearing, I’m ace) hard to get to the position I am in now, being able to call blogging my career and more .
I did feel that I was letting my wonderful sponsor Bosinver Farm Cottages down by not winning and having the chance of media coverage for them afterwards, but since I wasn’t the judge I know I didn’t …. Bosinver honestly blame the judges.
I promise I’m not crying in to my cornflakes *note to self buy cornflakes*, I didn’t win (loser) but I’m okay with that, hey one less thing to dust right?! I don’t need an award, by far the very best part of going to Britmums was the new friendships I made and the old ones I strengthened – more on the actual Britmums conference coming soon.
I’m happy being me, I love blogging and I am blinking proud of my blog.
P.S Thank you anyway to everyone who voted for me originally, it really did mean a lot to me and still does x
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