Making Friends As An Adult


Making friends as an adult is a bit different and dare I say difficult, unless it’s just me who is rubbish at it?!


Making Friends As An Adult


I am beginning to think, that as a parent if you don’t make friends with the other parents when your children are babies or toddlers, then you’ve probably missed the boat. Midway through the primary school years everyone seems to either have reached their friend quota for life, or they’ve gone back to working full-time and barely have time to drive between after school clubs and spend time with their own friends let alone spend time getting to know new people.


Then when they’re in secondary school like my own boys, you never see the other parents at all. You may never meet their friend’s parents unless you insist on meeting them when dropping your tween/teen off for a sleepover. A quick five-minute chat on their doorstep doesn’t really seem the time to try to broach the subject of whether they also wish they had someone to pop for a coffee with.


It was so easy when I was a child myself to make friends. You would literally say “would you like to be my friend?” and hope that they said yes or even better they would ask you. Simple done and dusted, that ‘yes’ was like an official contract of friendship. Or you made it even more official and sent them a note with the same question written down and two tick boxes, one for yes and a much tinier one for no. You knew where you stood back then.


Whereas as an adult it is more subtle and about hinting about whether the person might want to come over for, or go out for coffee some time? They usually say yes out of politeness and then ‘forget’ to ever set a time and a place. The good old phantom cuppa.


Tweens and teens who are now using Instagram, request to follow or be friends with all sorts of people who go to their school or are friends with their friends, and the child on the other end of it pretty much always accepts. It’s an ego boost for them to have or look to have lots of followers and friends. Who doesn’t want to seem popular at that age?!


As an adult it is a bit different. You um and ah about whether to click to add that Mum/Dad you know from school/football/friend of a friend etc as a friend on Facebook. Will you look like a weirdo stalker? Will they actually remember who you are? Then once you get up the courage to click ‘add friend’ they completely ignore the request. You can see them commenting on mutual friends’ posts, so you KNOW they have been online and seen your request.


The virtual version of the cold shoulder, they’re too polite to click to cancel your request as you’ll know, but they won’t accept. Because they think you (I am so talking about me here FYI) are a bit weird, that you talk too much, they have no idea who you are or they remember that one time when you were really drunk and kept telling them that you liked their face. Honestly when it comes to friend making I am my worst enemy, I just say what I think and forget that most people have more of a ‘filter’.


Or they accept your request on social media and then neither of you ever comment on anything the other person posts and you never message. You exist in each other’s friends’ lists, but eventually you both forget the other one is there or even who they are. Or you/they discreetly at some point de-friend the other and hope that they don’t notice.


This is possibly why so many of my friends that I do have (99% of them) are fellow bloggers that I mostly speak to online. I’m not sure if I seem more ‘normal’ online or if they are a little bit weird like me. Does anyone else get complete verbal diarrhoea when nervous or feeling shy? I wish I was one of the shy people who become quieter, instead I’m the person who seems extra confident and possibly just a bit…odd.


It is even harder to make new friends when you work from home and don’t have the work colleague relationships to fall back on. I’m always reading posts online in forums and social media how lonely people are, stay at home Mums in particular.  I have read loads of blog posts from other bloggers saying how lonely they feel and how hard they find it to make friends.


If there are so many people out there desperate to make friends, why then is it just so hard to do?! Answers on a postcard please ha! Seriously though any tips for my readers who may be just as rubbish as I am at making friends?!


Also if that lonely seeming Mum (or Dad before anyone pipes up) at school asks you for to go for a coffee, maybe just be nice and go and see how it goes. Maybe you’ll make a new friend and maybe you’ll make their day just that little bit less lonely.


Stevie x





  1. 9 March 2018 / 12:00 am

    Ahh I totally agree. Also, when you do make new friends as an adult it feels a bit weird! You don’t feel like you can really be good friends because you both have old friends who know you inside out. So it all just stays as an ‘on the surface’ friendship. And I talk to blogging friends more than anyone else too. Albeit ‘talking’ means messaging on Facebook ;)

    • 9 March 2018 / 11:33 am

      Maybe bloggy friends are the perfect friends, they’re always there but if you need a break you just shut your laptop?! Ha

      Stevie x

  2. 9 March 2018 / 6:54 am

    Crikey Stevie I feel like you’ve climbed inside my head and written down my thoughts! I do work but there’s only me and 1 other so it’s hardly nights out every weekend, I used to work in a call centre and it was another world it was easy to form friendships over a horrid customer or broken vending machine but now I really struggle. Do I just sidle up to someone I like the look of in Morrisons or something? Search me

    • 9 March 2018 / 11:31 am

      Ha ha I do actually start conversations with people in the supermarket, but I think if I said “can I come home with you for a coffee they’d get slightly freaked out” ;)

      Stevie x

  3. 9 March 2018 / 12:05 pm

    This is my predicament in a nutshell! On “Hello” terms or chat on the doorstep terms with some parents but nothing more, and they all seem to have their groups from baby club or whatnot. I am glad it’s no just me, and when you find a strategy that works fill me in on it!!

    • 9 March 2018 / 12:15 pm

      Ha I will! In Cornwall as well half the parents seem to have gone to school with each other themselves, so they met even before the baby days. Maybe the clue is to make friends in primary school yourself and then never lose contact?! ;)

      Stevie x

  4. 10 March 2018 / 8:42 pm

    Totally get this. I don’t do well on the friend front. I like my online friends though and I suppose that is because we are a little weird together. I am quite envious of you though. I wish I had verbal diarrhoea like you. I come across a lot colder and not interested. I am also known for being a bit blunt and just say without overly thinking of social consequences. We we’re talking in a large group after church and some in that group were talking about a dinner party that they had. Someone pipped up and said “ah. Wish I could have come!” and the group say “sure. How you feeling about next friday?” So I said “oh, that does sound fun. I never get invited out” with the reply “didn’t think you would be interested to do stuff”. Sigh. I do struggle with making long term friends and socialising. Adulting is much harder. Maybe we should all start the tick box letter invites again?

    • 14 March 2018 / 11:25 pm

      Ha maybe all bloggers are a little bit weird? I wonder if we start off that way, or if the hours in front of a screen constantly does something to our brains?! ;) Also I HATE that awkward moment when someone doesn’t invite you to something like that, especially if you’ve dropped a hint that you just KNOW they’ve gotten. People are so frustrating at times, maybe I should just get a dog for company and stick to my online friends?!

      Stevie x

  5. 10 March 2018 / 9:13 pm

    Really interesting post and it got me thinking about my own circle of friends and how you ‘pick up’ less friends as you get older. I have had my best friend in my life since we were 8, and my other close circle of friends have been work people that I have worked in the past, and probably my newest friend I ‘picked up’ when our children were in primary school together. It’s true that once your kids get to high school you rarely meet the parents. My teen leaves high school this year, and I wouldn’t have a clue as to who his friends parents are x

    • 14 March 2018 / 11:28 pm

      It does feel really weird moving on from knowing who all the parents are even if only by sight to suddenly sending them off to complete strangers houses with their friends doesn’t it?! Having the boys quite young I’ve barely had a work life to make many work friends. I’m happy in my own company, but it would be nice to have someone to meet up for coffee with etc more often.

      Stevie x

  6. 11 March 2018 / 4:04 pm

    I can totally relate to this. I rarely see my old friends from growing up or old work friends now I have my little ones, as I don’t go out drinking anymore. Making friends on the school / nursery run is so hard too as most of the parents work and it is grandparents/ childminders doing the drop offs. Xx

    • 14 March 2018 / 11:30 pm

      I had my eldest when I was 21, all of my friends were out getting drunk etc still and we lost contact for ages. Now they’re all having their first baby and I’m at the point where I have a lot more free time… all out of sync ha! I’m mostly happy with my own company and online friends etc, but it would be nice to have someone who was also child free during the day who wanted to go for a walk or a coffee etc sometimes. I keep saying I should just get a pet for company ;)

      Stevie x

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