Has your relationship ever almost ended over pie? If you’re a ‘normal’ person then the answer is probably no, if you’re me then the answer is yes. PieGate was a while ago now but it still comes up every time I have a kitchen disaster.
Kitchen disasters aren’t a rarity in this house. At the age of thirty-four, I am still just as bad at cooking as I was as a teenager… sometimes somehow worse.
I don’t often bother with New Year’s resolutions – mostly as I’m notorious for not sticking to things ha – but this year mine is to actually learn how to cook more than a few meals vaguely well. I’ve had a lot of kitchen disasters already, such as…
I decided to be ‘nice’ to Si and make him a cheese and potato pie. He can blame BBC Good Food magazine for the idea … I somehow missed the ‘Good’ part of the recipe. After a long day at work and a couple of hours of overtime Si came home to what was basically raw potato, melted cheese and burnt pastry pie.
I thought he should have pretended to be polite and tortured his taste buds since I spent a ridiculous amount of time cooking (well some bits of it were cooked) the pie and he thought that he should actually be fed something vaguely edible. Let’s just say we had a giant row … over pie.
Toad in the hole
Toad in the hole is one of those dishes that is so easy to cook isn’t it?! Erm or so I’ve heard. My version was half raw batter and squishy sausages.
Throat burning cake
This one was a long time ago and it wasn’t Si that I tortured for a change, it was my poor Dad! I decided to try to make a cake for him as a surprise. I read the recipe, which included I think half a teaspoon or maybe a teaspoon of Bicarb in it. Then I decided I didn’t need a spoon, I could just estimate how much I had put in .. whoops the pot slipped and there was quite a lot of Bicarb.
I still baked the cake though, it looked amazingly good for one of my cooking efforts. Taste wise, well I didn’t taste it because after my Dad took a big mouthful and then told me his throat was burning whilst desperately trying to find something to drink, I didn’t fancy it much.
Back onto the subject of torturing Simon… I made him a lovely fry up not long after we had gotten together. It looked seriously yummy and my one was really yummy. However, I used proper thick butcher’s sausages which took quite a lot of cooking and I fried them. Which was fine, my sausages were so delicious.
Si’s sausages however came out of the frying pan a bit earlier than mine, to make room for some mushrooms for me. Weirdly it had never occurred to me that you could get food poisoning from undercooked sausages. Not until Si woke me in the middle of the night by rushing to the bathroom to be really ill for hours. 7 years on and he has almost forgiven me. He does however insist that I use a meat thermometer for all meat that I cook him.
Mushy Christmas Roasties
The first time that I had Simon’s parents over to my house for a meal was actually Christmas Day. Not much pressure or anything making Christmas dinner for your boyfriend’s parents on the maybe second or third time you had met them.. I over boiled the potatoes, which turned to mush and could hardly be salvaged. Some of the veg was pretty much raw. The next year they invited us to go to theirs.. I think they thought they might actually get fed that way.
So yep basically I am a disaster in the kitchen and cookies are about the only thing I always cook perfectly every time. I’m definitely setting myself the challenge of learning to cook (and not poison people) next year. I’ve already got the Gordon Ramsey swearing in the kitchen bit sorted, now just to work on the actual skills…
Stevie x[affilinet_performance_ad size=468×60]