Facebook Phantom Cuppa
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Reasons why Facebook Will Never Make me Happy

I came off Facebook years ago after a marriage break up where everyone and their dog had an opinion, and felt they had the right to voice it in a public domain, with half the facts and a lot of lies. I’ll be honest I missed it at first. Then I realised something, I was happier without it!

Now being a blogger I have had to restart a personal Facebook account so that I can have a Facebook page, a prerequisite for many PRs that I have come across for work. I wish I didn’t have to have it.

There are plus sides to Facebook, such as being able to see family photos, catch up with people I haven’t seen in years who live far away, and the events that you can find on there. This is invaluable to me when it comes to doing my ‘What’s on in Cornwall’ posts for school holidays. But that’s where the positives mostly stop.

Facebook will never make me happy, unless I do the sensible thing and only use it for the blogging and Type 1 Diabetic parent groups, to comment on my bloggy friends’ pages, for my own page and to do research, but even then it’s more that it won’t make me ‘unhappy’.

The problem with Facebook is much like Instagram (which I do actually love really) there’s a filter to it. Everyone on there has ‘perfect’ lives, or the bits they let you see supposedly are. Everyone is having the time of their lives OR having a depressing rant, OR sharing very intimate and ‘personal’ medical details that really I would only expect to see on embarrassing bodies….and even then I’d turn over the channel quickly.

These aren’t the parts that give me a vague sense of unhappiness (if I’m silly enough to spend too long on there) though. I’m happy for people if things are going well, I love my life, I am with the man I am meant to be with and have amazing children, and hey I have the option to mute posts about piles!

The silly unhappy feeling comes when I add someone as a friend who I thought I got on well with, and then they refuse the request or just never accept it. Don’t presume the worst, I’m not some weirdo stalker befriending randoms here there and everywhere.

I have just had the experience of adding someone I thought was a friend and them clearly not feeling the same way. It’s the equivalent of them not wanting to play with you in the school playground I guess! It makes you question yourself, have I misjudged the situation, do they secretly dislike me, and am I going to bother making conversation with them any more?

I also notice groups of Mum’s I know going out for fun outings together, and start to wonder why when half the class parents are there has no one thought to invite me? Is it because I’m almost 10 years younger than some of them, are they that ageist and shallow?!

Or perhaps they just know I’m so often busy, and unlike so many of them I didn’t go to the same secondary school, I haven’t grown up with them, and I suppose in fairness when was the last time I asked them to anything?

There are also the supposed friends on Facebook and on most social media, who are supposedly desperate to meet up with you for a cuppa or a playdate. They will definitely arrange a date…then you never hear from them and they never mention it again and you feel too awkward to ask.

Facebook phantom cuppas are the worst in my eye, because they get your hopes up that you have a new friend, or an old one cares more than you thought, then they make you feel like a saddo with no friends…even though you do have friends you just thought more would be nice.

Facebook Phantom Cuppa

If only playground politics were left at school when you left, and people didn’t feel the need for one-upmanship on social media in adult life, and if only people were grown up enough to consider other people’s feelings and actually keep promises.

Before you start pitying me as a sad friendless fool, I do have friends, but I have a select few friends. I don’t need fakeness in my life, I have a fierce loyalty for the friends I have, and I love my life, I just stupidly feel the need to try to make new friends and secretly I always want people to like me.

Perhaps inside I sometimes still feel like the little girl at a new school, where everyone already has a best friend and I’m desperately hoping they’ll like me.

I prefer reality over fakeness any day though, and I will take my small number of loyal real friends over the phantom tea party throwers any day!

Stevie x

The Dad Network
The Twinkle Diaries


  • Mummy Fever

    Really interesting – there are a lot of people on my Facebook feed that suffer with what I call “perfect life syndrome” I do struggle with that and find it a bit pointless. #bigfatlinky

  • Julie

    I totally agree with all of this on Facebook. I recently took the Facebook app off my phone and feel so much better for it! You’re so right, it’s either people playing happy families or moaning. I too had a few ex family issues last year. I haven’t got a FB account for my blog but I suppose I’ll have to take the plunge soon. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
    Great post, thank you:-)

  • Pickinguptoys

    I know exactly what you mean with this!I recently tried adding a Mum I’ve spoken to at school every day for the last 3 years and she didn’t accept or decline.Made me feel a bit silly and question whether she actually likes me or just passed the time.But hey ho,live and learn x

  • acornishmum

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this! I think I’ll just focus on my page etc and be a lot happier for it :)

    Stevie xx

  • acornishmum

    It’s the them knowing you tried to add them bit as well isn’t it? Makes you wonder just how fake some people are to your face as well! Oh well I don’t need people in my life like that and neither do you lovely, you are clearly too good for her ;)

    Stevie xx

  • Hannah

    Facebook is my least favourite I only have family there very few friends and anyone irritates me is muted ha! If I’m low I won’t go on there, I don’t *think* I post anything too bad def not piles ha ha!! Ps id love a real cuppa with you! Xx

  • Becster

    I get what you mean with Facebook. I’ve never understood people who do their “dirty laundry” on it. I mean I understand that people want to rant and rage over stuff but really does it need to be on my news feed?! I like the fact I can hide people from my news feed now!

    I tried coming off Facebook but I caved quite quickly! I think I’m too nosey for my own good! Also it’s the only way I can keep in touch with people from my hometown and who I was at school with. I’ve been lucky enough to join a Facebook group that’s very supportive… we all have kiddies the same age so it’s great that we’re all going through the same thing!

  • Natalie Ray

    Yup, I totally agree. I feel the same about facebook in a way – but that said, I have “friends” on facebook but I can count on one one hand the number of them who I would count as actual friends. I’m terrible for making new friends, I have no interest. My life is too busy to keep in touch with the couple of friends I’ve got – and I’m ok with that. I think I’m unusual for a girl in that I genuinely don’t care about what people think or about having lots of friends. Actually, I’m more interested in keeping up to date with some lovely bloggers like you and a few others. Great post as always.x

  • acornishmum

    I think the problem is people don’t think before they post to these places and forget how much their post can be spread around and that their kids might see them one day! My children don’t hear me say a negative word about their Dad, but so many do online it makes me cringe! I love the FB blogging groups will just have to shut my eyes to my newsfeed as I get to them ;)

    Stevie x

  • acornishmum

    I’m kind of like you lovely, I don’t feel the need to have loads of friends but I do have the habit of reaching out to people who I think I am friends with on there, then discover that maybe we aren’t friends after all! I have way more bloggy friends now than I do ones I’ve met, but there are way more bloggy friends I’d love to meet than supposed friends I’d want to spend time with if that makes any sense ha!

    Stevie xx

  • Laura's Lovely Blog

    Why do people over share their medical conditions on Facebook it’s bonkers? And yes the friend request thing can often just be icky. Maybe you should just unfriend a load of people and have a really small group of people you know you really like? X

  • acornishmum

    I know I find it almost as odd as those that go on embarrassing bodies and are supposedly too embarrassed to see their usual doctor…but perfectly willing to share with the nation?!

    Stevie x

  • Ashley Beolens

    I have started having feelings of really wishing I wasn’t on Facebook, not because of any drama (I keep mine off FB) just because I find myself spending way too much time on there, wasting hours doing nothing. It really is a time drain.

  • acornishmum

    I know what you mean Ashley, there are only so many hours in the day and FB can be a real time drainer if you get hooked by something!


  • Lisa@intotheglade

    Oh I so hate Facebook, to be fair I have never had my own account, but I used to work at a Crown Court and most of our cases started with Facebook. I didn’t realise that you had to have one for PR’s to want to work with you though!

    Great post lovely, but you would genuinely be welcome with Si and the boys at my house if you ever made it up this way xx

  • acornishmum

    Not all PR’s will mind if you don’t have one, but a lot that have contacted me have asked for my FB numbers! It’s also another place for them to and their companies to hopefully spot you ;) I’ll always prefer Twitter, but FB does seem to be a necessary evil! You would also be more than welcome if you’re ever in Cornwall lovely :)

    Stevie xx

  • Random Musings

    I love Facebook, but when you put it like that I’m not so sure! I tend to just laugh at the fake people and the “Little Miss Perfects”, eye roll at the “poor mes” and lets face it we all secretly like the oversharing of dirty laundry and the drama it brings. I just don’t take any of it too seriously! #TwinklyTuesday

  • acornishmum

    I think the worse ones are the ones who say something to get attention like worst day ever or wow! then won’t tell you what they were talking about…either say it or don’t ha!

    Stevie x

  • Jane

    Hi! I agree with you that Facebook is a strange one. I have a personal account and a blog account, and I have wanted to delete my personal account for ages. The problem is, my friends and I often only communicate to eachother via facebook rather than texting and phone calls, and group girls things are always arranged on Facebook. I dislike facebook as I don´t feel the need to update my everyday life with photos, yet the fact that I don´t actually makes people surprised that I am 1)still alive and 2) actually have a life, that I just don´t want to document on facebook, and prefer to write about on my blog…which despite all my facebook friends, most of my followers are other bloggers! Go figure #twinkly Tuesday

  • acornishmum

    Some people do seem surprised if you don’t want to share your entire life on there! With some people you know what they had to eat at every meal and whose annoying them the most that day ;) I’m sticking to using it for my blog and avoiding my personal feed too much, I used to be one who was always on there years ago, and my life is so much better and happier now it’s an occasional thing!

    Stevie x

  • Caro | The Twinkles Mama

    Aaah I love my personal FB! It’s such a great way to keep in touch with people. I’ve got a really large circle of friends and if I was to speak to them on the phone I’d never get anything done! I don’t get dragged into the perfect lives — you know it’s all fake! ;)

    I find it more of a bind keeping the blog FB going to be honest — I feel like it’s a necessary evil though, it goes hand in hand with blogging. Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

  • acornishmum

    I’ll definitely try to link up next time, I like the variety of posts that link up, keep finding new bloggers I hadn’t noticed before! :)

    Stevie xx

  • sparkly

    I came off of facebook 2 years ago, I do miss it, but I was part of a little group on there who eventually all turned on each other.. I was accused of getting someone to slash someones tires (someone who I dont know where they live) I got accused of calling them bad mums because they disagreed with something I did (I think it was when i dyed my hair purple whilst pregnant) It was total madness, suddenly everyone was ripping shreds out of eachother and I dont think many of them talk now. Ive spoken to a few of them and there is one who I stayed friends with but have recently lost contact with because my phone crashed never to turn on again so I lost her number.

    I dont have friends, as most of the people ive ever known have ended up turning against me as bad as it sounds. someone has recently popped up on my twitter again and now I have a feeling my eldests other half of the family will all start watching me when the whole point of not having ‘real’ pictures and only putting my first name up was so that I couldnt be spied on. And she was passing my info on to my ex then denying it. She was one of my closest friends and her daughter is my god daughter. Im not really bothering with anything online any more, I read your blog & a few more but I have other things going on at the moment which Im focusing on rather than feeling like im being watched every minute of the day

  • acornishmum

    That is the problem with social media, anyone can read anything you write somehow no matter how well protected you may think it is. That’s why I never write anything I wouldn’t be happy with everyone reading, especially as I have an ex husband who is the father of my children. Regardless of my thoughts or feelings about him he’s my children’s Dad and I’d never want them to hear or read me saying a bad word about him or anyone else for that matter! Words hurt far more than most things, and you have to do what’s right for you. I do wince sometimes when reading someone dissing someone else online as once it’s out there you can’t take it back and social media has far more reach than a bad comment in person.

    I don’t have a lot of friends by choice, as I know I can trust the ones I do have and to be honest what spare time I do have belongs to Si and the boys :) Stay strong lovely and just believe in karma ;)

    Stevie x

  • Adventures of a Novice Mum

    It’s interesting how the online world can take one back to earlier years that are better forgotten. Those feelings of unsureness, the insecurities and grasp for someways to fit in. Crazy, huh? Reality is definitely better because we’ve got to live in it beyond our thoughts.

    Good points raised, thanks for writing. #Tots100willynilly

  • Jenny Eaves

    I know how you feel, I often get a little sad about things on FB about people meeting up but not inviting me etc. a friend also got upset with me for joking on my own FB post and had a huge argument because
    I talk about my kids all the time! I got quite upset about that too as I thought they were a good friend, and of course I talk about my kids all the time I’m a SAHM and all day everyday is about my kids! I do like FB to keep up with friends and family further away, but don’t post particularly often myself. :) x

  • acornishmum

    One thing I have found it good for lately is the Type 1 Diabetes parents groups, so many people in the same situation as me and when I had a bad day with Fin recently where I ended up in tears, the support and advice was amazing. So maybe I don’t completely hate FB ;) But some people do seem to put such personal details of their lives on there it really does make me cringe!

    Stevie xx

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