The Ten ‘rules’ of primary school parking. Obviously tongue in cheek, although I suspect some parents believe these to be true rules…. AKA How to be a parking pain in the bum.
You must arrive at least half an hour before you are supposed to start queuing. Just so that you can block the road for other road users and any poor soul trying to pick their child up early for the dentist. Whilst waiting look completely fascinated in the contents of your glove box/magazine/mobile phone to avoid eye contact.
Always park so tightly to the car next to you, that you have to climb over the passenger seat to exit your car. Honestly it’s fine, they can just pop any children or babies in to their car seats via the sunroof. No sunroof?, well they have a boot…
You really must drive so far up the bum of the car in front that they have zero chance of reversing in to a space and drive in to the space instead out of exasperation.
Whatever you do, do not let that person reverse their car out of their space – just keep driving past them. I mean really how stupid are they, not to reverse park at a school….
Beep your horn at any one who dares to stop to let a family cross the road or car park.
Always wear sunglasses, that way you can pretend not to see or be aware of anyone who may be trying to get you to give way, or anyone whose space you have just stolen.
A wave of the hand in a flustered, oh sorry was this your space?/ oh I almost ran over your child?/ oh I cut you up? way, excuses all evils.
If you see a friend on the way out of school, it is completely acceptable to stop for a chat whilst blocking the whole car park and causing a tail back on the road beside you.
Always park in the space that blocks other cars in and then have a wander around the playground chatting to the other Mums. In fact why not stand next to your car having a chat, the cars behind will love you for it.
After doing all of the above, definitely do this last one. Grumble loudly about all those awful drivers in the school car park. How impatient they are, how they can’t park and how awful the traffic has been recently.
Do people at your school follow these rules? I blame about a third of the grey hairs on my head on the rule followers at our own primary school ;)
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