This year my eldest turns thirteen. I am still trying to get my head around this fact and the fact that it makes me feel extremely old. Even older than my very grey roots indicate.
I’m proud to be his Mum – well proud to be both of the boys’ Mum obviously. I’m just trying not to panic.
You see I’ve already been hit with karma a bit in my parenting time. As a child I was the most ridiculously fussy eater, I have no idea how I didn’t end up with scurvy or something similar. I did end up only being 5 foot 2, but I reckon that’s my Great Grandad Honey’s genetics as he was dinky and even shorter than me as he aged. I’m pretty sure refusing to eat most food groups didn’t help though really…
At one point I even became a vegetarian and caused my Mum a bit of a panic about what to feed me at all and quite possibly made my Dad’s farming side of the family think I had gone slightly mad.
Basically karma first showed its head here, as I have one ridiculously fussy eater and one who isn’t as fussy but likes all the opposite things to the most fussy one. My Mum was the first to shout karma over my fun with trying to get them to eat and she did it with a smirk. I can’t say that I blame her to be fair.
At least thankfully neither of the children have decided to have an irrational and quite frankly awkward fear of the colour yellow. In my defence I can’t remember this, I only have my family’s word for it as I was very small. I also suspect that there was foul play involved with my older sisters tormenting me in some way with something yellow. Possibly in revenge for the year that I snuck down on Christmas morning and opened all of the Christmas presents belonging to one of my sisters.I don’t think I was very popular that year.
My own boys snuck down once and had a bit of a feast on the dining table in the lounge whilst I slept. They poured everything from the cupboards out on to the table. Picture gravy granules, pasta, cereals, oxo cubes, yoghurt, milkshake powder, biscuits and all sorts of other things. Then picture what it would look like if two little imps decided to then pour four pints of milk all over the top of it and rub it in with their hands.
That’s what I got for being such a heavy sleeper and not knowing that they could open the stair gate themselves. Also possibly karma for my younger Christmas ruining antics.
Now here comes the bit of expected karma that worries me and has me crossing my fingers that it stays away. I was a complete pain in the bum as a teenager. I won’t get into this too much, in case one of the boys reads this and gets some ideas… However if I was grounded, then I would climb out of my bedroom window.
If I was supposedly at a sleepover, then I may well have been at a party and a little bit (hugely) drunk. If I was told not to do something, then it made me want to do it 100% more. That is as far as my description of my teen years is going, before I incriminate myself or make the children yell hypocrite when I tell them off in the future.
I was mostly nice to my parents … as nice as any teen with a bit of a chip on their shoulder who is rarely home has the chance to be.
My panic now is that my children are like me when they hit their teens and are a bit too good at lying to me. That they’re sneaky and they go off to parties etc. Also usually when it comes to what I think of as karma, you get it back worse. With some of my past antics I am not sure how they could do them worse, but oh eek please someone tell me karma doesn’t exist and teenagers these days like to sit at home with a cup of tea watching Eastenders with their Mother?!
We have less than four months people until I am the decrepit mother of a teenager! Bog off karma, I want to be able to sleep at night. It’ll be fine, I keep telling myself. It isn’t as if he’s going to do a Kevin from Kevin and Perry and turn into a stroppy teen at the stroke of midnight on his birthday …. In truth I think he’s doing it more gradually and practising.
The good thing is, having been a sneak of a teenager – I know all the tricks, so I’ll be one step ahead of both of the boys when they are teenagers. Bring it on.